Toxic relatives – how to communicate with them and how to behave

Author

Olena Shevchuk

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7 minutes

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Published

24.11.22

We do not choose relatives. Each of them has their own character and their own vision for life. But if some loved ones try not to spoil the lives of others, then there are those who climb into everything. Constant control, ridiculous advice, too many questions, constant requests for help – this is annoying and causes antipathy even to a loved one. Gradually, relations with him may deteriorate. In this case, you may need to consult a family psychologist, with whom you will understand the problems and be able to find a way out.

Who are toxic relatives?

Our relatives have a habit of keeping abreast of our affairs. They can ask about personal life, ask for help. And this is normal, because they are your native people. But sometimes it can go beyond.

Some relatives try to fit in where they don’t need to. They literally control your every move, and they also try to use you. For example, if you have connections somewhere, a loved one constantly asks you to help him. Or, for example, he constantly asks you for money, and does not return them.

Thus, a toxic relative is someone who takes advantage of you, interferes in your personal life and does not see it as a problem.

How to deal with toxic relatives?

Here are some tips on how to deal with toxic loved ones in different situations.

Requests to borrow money

If a loved one constantly asks to help him out with money, get him a job or let him live somewhere, this is a sign of toxicity. You can do it in several ways.

Learn to say no and not feel guilty about it. Remember that there is nothing wrong with this.
Ask for a favor in return. For example, you are asked to borrow money, and you ask for help with repairs or taking care of a pet.
Set tough conditions. You must clearly define for what period you give money or settle in your loved one.

Requests to borrow money

Manipulation

Do you feel and see how your relative is manipulating you? He can say hurtful words, blackmail you by stopping communication. What to do in this case?

You must understand that perhaps you are simply missing your loved one. After all, no one wants to be alone. And in this case, you may need a consultation with a psychologist, with whom you will say everything that was not agreed on both sides. Also, you should set aside a day when you will pay attention to your family.

Manipulation

Obsessive questions

You are asked too personal questions that you do not want to answer at all. They also tell you that you are not living the way you should. What should you do?

Tell your loved one that you are uncomfortable with such questions. Apologize and answer that your life is your own business. You will, of course, have to make an effort not to shout or fight. But it’s worth it. After all, you will adequately get out of the situation. First of all, you need to be sensitive to yourself and not take into account advice that offends you.

Obsessive questions

Shahida Arabi “Toxic People. How to protect yourself from narcissists, gaslighters, psychopaths and other manipulators”

A book for anyone who has to deal with toxic people. You will learn to build communication according to your own rules and not allow yourself to be manipulated.

In this guide, you will find the theoretical background and practical exercises to help you:
✅ identify toxic people and choose effective ways to interact with them;
✅ learn to recognize the first signs that they are trying to manipulate you, and immediately stop common types of psychological abuse, such as gaslighting, ignoring, projection, “love bombing” and so on;
✅ learn how to recover from trauma in a relationship and form healthy personal boundaries based on the inner self.

What not to do when dealing with toxic relatives?

Yes, they can be unceremonious, intrusive, to some extent even incomprehensible. But in order to maintain a relationship with them, you should not make the following mistakes.

Suppression of your emotions. In this way, you make yourself worse, as you accumulate aggression. It can spill out at any moment.
Trying to fix someone. Everyone has their own attitudes and values. Therefore, it is unlikely that anything will change, you need to perceive people as they are.
Solve the problem through someone else. Never try to solve a problem through the partner of a toxic relative. In this case, you will only make it worse, and absolutely everyone.

It is quite possible to build relationships with toxic relatives. You just need to learn how to communicate with them.