HomeBlogThe art of conflict: how to quarrel and find a compromise. Psychologist Elena Shevchuk explains

The art of conflict: how to quarrel and find a compromise. Psychologist Elena Shevchuk explains

The art of conflict: how to quarrel and find a compromise. Psychologist Elena Shevchuk explains
Olena Shevchuk
Olena Shevchuk
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6,5 minutes

You also need to know how to fight. Surely, there is no one who would never quarrel at all. And there can be many reasons for this – resentment, a desire to prove one’s case, and even a bad mood. But how you behave in a conflict will depend on its outcome. How to quarrel and seek a compromise, says Elena Shevchuk, a practicing psychotherapist. You can also make an appointment with a psychologist to resolve your issues and receive professional psychological help.

Recognize the type of conflict

Since each person has their own beliefs, conflicts are inevitable. From the point of view of psychology, their goal is to understand each other and make a common decision. In this case, two types of quarrels are distinguished.

  • Benign. Such conflicts mean the expression of feelings by both parties, the explanation of points of view and the desire to be heard. Feeling guilty at the same time prompts you to look for ways to correct the situation.

Benign quarrels

  • Malignant. In such quarrels, one of the parties does not allow the other side to show their emotions and express their point of view. At the same time there are insults, criticism. As a result, a person has a feeling of shame, and this makes it difficult to come to a compromise.

Malignant quarrels

If the first type of quarrel arises, you can reach a compromise and deal with the situation that has arisen. In the second option, there can be extremely aggressive attacks, which leads to even more quarrels.

<p>Ian Leslie “The Art of Conflict. Why disputes separate and how they can unite”</p>

Ian Leslie “The Art of Conflict. Why disputes separate and how they can unite”

What is the secret of harmonious relationships? What is behind some of the greatest scientific and creative breakthroughs? Unexpected answer: conflict. Productive disagreement is a way of thinking, perhaps the best there is. It develops our mind and creativity and can even unite. It is vital to the success of any joint venture, from a marriage to a commercial company to a democratic state. In our increasingly conflict-prone world, the only way for us to unite and progress together is to learn from those who have mastered the art and science of argument. Summarizing the experience gained in interaction with various professionals, the author of this book offers a set of effective tools that we can all use to make our dialogues more constructive.

“To overcome the difficulties that disagreement creates, one cannot avoid it. Instead, we need to radically change how we think about and relate to him. It is no coincidence that people get involved in conflicts again and again. Conflict is an absolutely necessary part of life, and this is no exaggeration.”

What to do?

The psychologist recommends training the benign type of dispute resolution. Of course, this is not easy to do, especially if you have life attitudes and examples of loved ones. But the online help of a psychologist will allow you to understand yourself and form the necessary skills to resolve the conflict in the right way.

It is important to hear more than just yourself. You need to give the other person the opportunity to express their point of view. And in the conflict should follow a few rules.

Speak calmly. Many studies show that a fight almost always ends the way it started. That is, if you immediately started screaming, then you may not be able to reach a common solution.

Describe only your feelings. In conflicts, we often blame others, point out their mistakes. Thus, we provoke an additional surge of aggression. The psychologist advises to talk about your feelings. For example, you can say, “I hate to solve all the problems myself” or “I was hurt by your words.”

State your wishes. But they should be as clear and understandable as possible. For example, you might say, “I need more of your support with household chores.”

Listen to the other person’s wishes. This is a must! Indeed, often we do not hear the interlocutor, but only blame him for everything that happens. After listening to him, you will understand how he feels, what emotions he experiences, what “nibbles” him.

Refuse criticism, humiliation and ignorance. These actions are a defensive reaction of a person who does not want to sort things out. As a result, they are destroyed. Even if you want to run away from a conflict situation, you should not do this. Listen to your partner and express your feelings as well.

Admit mistakes and don’t get loud. If you were wrong about something, ask for forgiveness, admit your mistake. Also, do not shout, it is better to explain your position in a calm tone.

During an argument, we can often experience aggression. This leads to negative consequences. The psychologist recommends using the method of psycho-emotional calming: count from 10 to 1, take a deep breath, hold your breath as much as possible and exhale slowly. This way you will bounce back.

Remember that it’s easy to make things worse with someone. Much harder to keep them. Therefore, in a conflict, try to control yourself and also listen to the other side.

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